


A Long Dream

by JumpingJeans



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AOT Chapter 138 spoilers, F/M, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-19 11:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29873736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JumpingJeans/pseuds/JumpingJeans
Summary: You thought you could relax after this. You thought fate would let you relax. You thought you would finally have happiness after all the heartache.You couldn’t have that luxury.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Reader
Comments: 7
Kudos: 36





	A Long Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this contains spoilers for the most current chapter. Read at your own risk. This was born out of the heartache I felt, and I hope that my Jean-bo will be able to go back to the way he was.

**_She said she gave all her love to me_ **

**_We dreamt a new life_ **

**_Some place to be at peace_ **

**_But things changed, suddenly_ **

**_I lost my dreams in this disaster_ **

You were tired of all this fighting.

It began seven years ago, when you first joined training. A scolding from Shadis and a headbutt later, you had met an annoying boy by the name of Jean. You had barely known the person who annoyed you to bits, but he was always there for you when you needed him. So were you when he needed you.

Through the battle of Trost, when he saved you from a Titan.

Through the pain of losing one of your closest friends, Marco.

Through both of you choosing the Survey Corps.

Through the expeditions of chasing down Reiner and Bertolt, the betrayers of the 104th.

Through the expedition of saving Eren, the Coordinate.

Through the fear of losing one another as you watched Jean recover from the same expedition that almost cost you both your life.

Through the fall of the government and the rise of Historia as Queen.

Through the battle of Shiganshina that scarred you for life with an unfixable leg injury.

Through the stolen kisses Jean gave you before he infiltrated Marley and left you behind.

Through everything.

Even now, in the midst of the Wall Titans trampling your home, you thought of your future with Jean. The kids running through the fields with stubborn attitudes and wind swept hair.

The sound of their high pitched shrills as they welcomed their father home.

The smell of smoke from his labor as you kissed the corner of his mouth.

Would you have been able to live that life had you not joined the Survey Corps? Maybe. That possibility was past, however.

**_I'm crying_ **

**_Missing my lover_ **

**_I don't have the power_ **

**_On my side forever_ **

Despite your injury from the battle of Shiganshina, however, you were able to assist the remainder of the Survey Corps to try to stop the Rumbling. The Levi Squad and Commander Hange were really the only ones left that were willing to fight for the sake of humanity’s survival outside the walls.

ODM gear required the ability to fly, not to walk, so you were exceptionally able to handle that.

What you weren’t ready for, however, was what you had yet to lose.

On the ship that Kiyomi Azumabito supplied to you to be able to use the flying ship to locate Eren, you began to lose your nerve at what you had to do once again. Fight.

From the cabin you were temporarily provided, you heard a knock on the door. You looked up from where your head was occupying your hands, the tears refusing to stop in time. “Baby,” Jean said softly as he took his huge hands, guiding them softly to your face that was wet with tears.

Jean wiped your tears away, his hands finding solace around your waist as he embraced you. Shards of memories from the life you wanted to share with Jean flooded your memory and your imagination, but thoughts of the future faded as Jean affirmed his love for you through actions and words. Those hours you spent together before battle were ones spent of graceful intimacy.

One more thing was promised to you before you left for battle on the flying ship: your hand in marriage to Jean.

The ring stuck snugly around your finger as you used your blades and limited Thunder Spears to fight the past Titan shifters. Hange’s sacrifice burned through your heart, enabling you to fight harder. Jean struggled as he yelled for you to not get distracted by the sacrifices being made, but his words were drowned out by the flying Jaw Titan to you.

Jean looked over to you to make sure you were alright; you replied at him to quit worrying. “We have other comrades and other things to fight. Don’t worry about me.”

“Can’t help but to worry, baby.” He said softly, his eyes swimming with concern and heartbreak. Of course, this was hard on him too. He was having to fight one he once thought was a comrade- now, you had no idea who Eren was besides..

_A devil_.

**_Oh, where is my lover?_ **

**_And I got no power_ **

**_I'm standing alone, no way_ **

**_Calling out your name_ **

With the help of a few past Titan shifters that seemed to be on your side, you were able to save Armin. You watched with heartbreak as Jean was the one who launched a Thunder Spear at Eren’s skinless nape. The head fell, as well as your tears. At Zeke’s demise, the Rumbling stopped. Heading back over to Fort Slava, you watch at the Warriors reunite with their parents. You embraced Jean, sighing into his sweat-covered shirt. You didn’t mind; you just hoped the battle was finally over.

It wasn’t.

You watched as Reiner’s Titan form fought with the very essence and being that created Titans in the first place. Your eyes scanned the horizon to see smoke billowing around you. With horror, you realized what it was coming from.

You watched as Levi, Mikasa, Falco, and Pieck sped off, not even having enough time to say goodbye to them for the last time.

**_I said I gave all my love to you_ **

**_We dreamt a new house_ **

**_Some place to be at peace_ **

**_But things changed, suddenly_ **

**_I lost my dreams in this disaster_ **

Turning over to Jean, tears filled his eyes as he kissed you once last time. “I love you so much,” he says thickly as you reply in turn, “I’m sorry we never got to live the life we deserved.” He smiles sadly, turning over to embrace Connie and you in turn. You clutched each other tightly, watching the sky for a final time before the smoke filled your lungs enough to trigger your Titan transformation.

The ring around your finger fell to the ground, a broken promise all that was left in your wake.

_**We don't know what is wrong tonight** _

_**Everybody's got no place to hide** _

_**No one's left and there's no one to go on** _

_**All I know is my life is gone** _

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ:  
> Based on how 139 plays out, I will update an ending for this. I have an idea that Yams won’t reverse what happened, but I’ll still make two endings: the one Yams gives (prob still heartbreaking) versus a more bittersweet one.


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